Smoke on the Water - The Untold Stories!
by SONGUE
Summary: Shenangigans involving the daily lives of Agents Tyler, Barton and Coulson - plus Guests! (Based on the popular "Smoke on the Water" story by Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer, who authorized me to publish these stories as a separate, sorta-not-exactly-canon bonus chapters!)
1. Tis the Season to be armed

_I own none of the characters or the plots, based on the popular story by_ **Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer** _, who authorized me to publish these stories as a separate, not-exactly-canon bonus chapters._

 _Also, this will be aiming for humour and comedy, I already write some adventurous/dark stories, this is just me going on the light side, okay?_

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

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( _Based on Chapter 51 of "Smoke on the Water", where Rose has dreams of Red and Green and I realized it could only mean one thing:_ CHRISTMAS _!_ )

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 ** _'Tis the season to be Armed!_**

...

"I have a question", asked the serious man at the door, to which his companion added, "Me too, lots of them, actually."

"Shoot", she replied, apparently ignoring them, as she set the final piece of decoration on the wall.

"Why are you hanging wreathes all around the walls of the recreation room?"

"Because it's _Christmas_ time, Phil", the ever-lively Rose Tyler replied.

"... and why are you hiding a taser gun inside that one?"

"Because it's **Christmas** time, Clint", she replied, more seriously. "And I'm not hiding a taser gun in a wreath."

"Oh, that's good to know", Agent Clint Barton commented.

"I'm also hiding all sorts of other non-lethal weaponry as well, inside each wreath around you."

"That's... so much less good to know", replied Phil Coulson. "Can I ask you why you decided to spread the season's feelings… along with SHIELD's riot-control equipment?"

"Because, and I repeat, it's Christmas Time, Phil!", Rose added, walking backwards and appraising her handiwork. "Almost perfect!"

Clint neared his blonde friend and observed his surroundings. "Did you do something to the table?"

"Yes, I pulled it near to the sound system, where I'm going to set the chocolate fountain on the middle and under it the shotgun loaded with 12 gauge rubber-bullets."

Clint turned around to his older colleague and shrugged. "I have the feeling this ain't a prank, I know when she's being serious about them and she sounds rational."

"As rational as someone that just placed weapons all around a room set for a Christmas party could be, wouldn't you think, Agent Barton?", Coulson asked.

"Guys, I'm not crazy...er here. I passed this through even Fury, he said he was okay with it, as long as there were no firearms."

"... you joking", Barton deadpanned her.

"Nop~e", she said/sang. "Trust me, you should not trust Christmas parties. They are magnets to disasters."

"I think you are exaggerating."

"A Christmas tree tried shredding me into pieces once", she confessed. "Pilot-fish minded Roboform Father Christmas tried shooting me. You guys are going to thank me later for all of this precaution, and if all else fails", she lifted her hand, exibiting a round black sphere, the size of her closed fist, "this 'baby' can take down anything."

"How did you get access to the experimental concussive grenade?", asked Coulson.

"Where were you hiding it?", wondered Barton.

"That is classified. For _both_."

Clint was about to say something, but saw Agent Coulson leaving the room. "Where you going?"

"I believe her", he stated. "I'm going to get my pocket taser ready for later."

"Don't forget to wear the red pullover I gave you!", Rose advised him.

"You're kidding", Barton replied.

"Nope, and I got you a purple one as well!", she told him. "Now help me get the sofas to the right corner. Careful with that armchair, though."

"What, is there a claymore mine inside of it?"

"Nope, it's just really heavy, I don't want to see you strain your back, Clint."

Later that evening, the party went as scheduled, with lots of questions and cheers, and even a special appearance of Director Fury and his shadows, Maria Hill and newly-instated Agent Romanoff.

About the third round of drinks and eggnogs, the lights of the room suddenly were cut, as the doors to the room were blasted open by a group of men, aiming heavy weaponry towards the Agents of SHIELD gathered there.

Emergency lights came on, revealing three soldiers wearing green leathery clothes.

"Nicholas Fury, we are the Serpent Society! We know you have collected the notes for Dr. Connnors' mutagenic serum, hand it over to us or see your - ** _GURK_**!"

The speech came short, as the trio of men fell down by a collection of taser darts and tranquilizer shots now riddling their bodies, courtesy of half a dozen of now armed party-goers.

"And that should be all of it!" commented Rose Tyler, setting down the rifle she pulled from beneath the couch she was previously sitting on. "I'm breaking out the cider and wine now, someone help me with the glasses?"

As Agent Hill took the chance to help, the Director surveyed his men and women, mildly impressed by their efficiency, when he noticed his newest Agent's expression.

"Will it always be like this, working for SHIELD?", she asked.

"Not at all", the head of the most powerful secret spy organization in the world replied. "Monday to friday is when things get _really weird_ , Agent Romanoff."

* * *

 _Thanks for reading, and thanks for_ **Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer** _for giving us such a good story!_

 _Next time: Horses on a Hellicarrier!_


	2. Horses on a Helicarrier - Part 1

I own none of the characters or the plots, based on the popular story by Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer, who authorized me to publish this stories as a separate, not-exactly-canon bonus chapters.

* * *

Chapter 2

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( _Based on Chapter 52 of "Smoke on the Water", as an explanation of the skittles reference, I thought, 'What the heck, there could be an entire story about it'!_ )

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 **Horses on a Helicarrier**

Part 1: The set up

"I already have the Skittles and the access to all ventilation shafts inside the Helicarrier", Clint said, rolling down the improvised schematics on top of the kitchen table.

Rose nodded, picking up an inconspicuous shoe box from her backpack. "And I already finished the glitter bombs, just have to synchronize the timers."

A couple of toasts popped into the air with a ding, and a swift plate caught them before they returned to their respective slots.

The blonde offered her friend a steaming cup of tea. It was certainly not a moment for coffee.

Coffee came later, with the sense of duty fulfilled.

"What about the horse?", he asked.

"What about it?"

"How can we get one inside the 'Carrier?"

It was a valid question. SHIELD was not just any spy organization, it was THE spy organization.

( _Not that it had stopped any of them before…_ )

"No worries, I know this guy", she replied, confident.

"You know a guy?"

"I know THIS guy, trust me."

Clint sipped on his cup – with a frown. He loved Rose's special blend of tea, but he felt a bitter taste on it today.

"Is it the one with the classic games nostalgia?"

"Not telling!", she gave him that cheeky smile of hers.

They took their time with their snack and drinks, silent checking for any possible last-minute flaws.

There was, of course, the biggest problem they would have.

"... you know we have got to keep Coulson out of the Cafeteria."

"Think he'll suspect us?", he brought up another valid question.

Phil Coulson, unlike what many thought of him, was a man with a sense of humour. However, he was also known as "The Director's Good Eye". He would never allow them to go any further if he suspected their pranks would harm anyone or delay their colleagues' workload.

And the conspirers were both certain that their friend would not… ' _appreciate_ ' what they were planning for the following day.

"Please, after we're done, nobody will ever know it was us!", came the blonde's support.

* * *

 **To be continued.**

* * *

 _Thanks for reading, and thanks for Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer for giving us such a good story!_

 _Next time: Horses on a Hellicarrier! Part 2: A Small Inconvenience_


	3. Horses on a Helicarrier - Part 2

_I own none of the characters or the plots, based on the popular story by Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer, who authorized me to publish this stories as a separate, not-exactly-canon bonus chapters._

 _Also, this will be aiming for humour and comedy, I already write some adventurous/dark stories, this is just me going on the light side, okay?_

* * *

Chapter 3

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( _Based on Chapter 52 of "Smoke on the Water", as an explanation of the skittles reference, I thought, 'What the heck, there could be an entire story about it'!_ )

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Horses on a Helicarrier**

Part 2: A Small Inconvenience

Agent Jasper Sitwell was having one of the strangest moments in his long career working for SHIELD.

For the last hour, he had been checking the arrival of new vehicles for the desert operation trainings (" _Really, really hate those_ "). It was on one of those times where the Helicarrier had to make its routine landings on the ocean, this time a few hundred miles from the coast of Morocco, and there were a few SHIELD supply ships from the Northwest Africa branch already loading off their cargo.

This is where, as he turned to a corner, he met the one operative that usually was up to the most troubles, Clint Barton.

What agent Barton was doing though, almost left him baffled. _Almost_.

Now, Jasper considered himself a man of certain dignified status and with enough experience to not be surprised by most things SHIELD had to deal with (at least not on the level of Phil " _The 'Alien space hammer' returned to its previous Nordic God Owner_ " Coulson), but even he was finding it hard not to lose his cool demeanor over Agent Barton feeding sugarcubes to a white horse.

"Mr. Barton", he started off.

"Agend Sitwell", was the operative's polite reply.

"Why is there a white Thoroughbred mare in the Docking Bay of the Helicarrier?", the bald Agent asked, straight to the point.

"… you can tell breed and gender?"

Sitwell gave him a ' _you did not answer me yet_ ' look. "I can tell many other things, but not its purpose. That's what you are going to tell me, now, Agent Barton."

"Came with the latest delivery."

"I could have deduced that myself, Barton. What. Is. It. Doing. Here?"

"… desert training?", never be said that Clint Barton was not a "quick-on-his-feet" man.

"No live animals were scheduled to arrive, Mr. Barton. Try again."

"He's with me", said the London-tinted voice.

Jasper recognized immediately the young mysterious addition to the roster of Agents of SHIELD.

"Ms. Tyler", he spoke, in his usual dry way. "This animal is _with you_?"

"Yep."

"And the horse as well?"

" _Hey_!", came the offended reply of Clint Barton.

"Oh! Look at you, making jokes, Sitwell! Good for you! Yes, they are both with me, I asked Barton to pick it up for me, so I could take it inside."

"And what for, Ms. Tyler?", Sitwell asked, an eyebrow raised.

"An experimental program I've introduced at the Kitchens."

Now both Barton and Sitwell were confused. "What?"

"Equine fertilizer is proven to help keep the flies off the food", she replied in a serious tone.

"Off the food?", Barton could not stop himself from asking.

"It's an experimental program, I'd say the results are mixed."

Jasper simply did not know how to respond to such a statement, so he looked back and forth, the woman, the operative and the mare.

"It's a lot cheaper than sending out for it, Sitwell", Barton decided to help.

"And fresher too", Rose finished.

Agent Sitwell stared at the female Agent for a moment longer, before sighing. "You never said anything about a horse."

"What?", Barton asked, finally realizing. "He's your guy? Sitwell is ' _the guy you know_ '? This guy?"

Jasper gave him an offended glare, Barton simply did not care. "Easy, Barton, yes, Jasper here is the one helping us out, right?"

Jasper took his Stark-phone (an older, blockier model) and read through a file. "The cameras from here to the Kitchens are set to be on an unscheduled maintenance routine for the next sixteen minutes. Best window of opportunity I can give you, Tyler."

"Thanks, Jay!", she said, giving a little tap on his shoulder.

"What about your part of the deal?"

"I'll keep it, don't worry."

Agent Sitwell just 'hmphed' and kept going.

"Seriously, how did you manage to make Jasper Sitwell work along?"

"Jasper is a good guy, knows how to keep a secret", she explained, rubbing the beautiful mare's neck. "Also, I had to promise not to pull any pranks on him. Ever."

"Oh", was Barton's reply, and after a moment, he smiled in return. "But _**I**_ did not make any promises, did I?"

"No, Agent Barton, I believe you did not", was her reply.

* * *

To be continued.

* * *

 _Thanks for reading, and thanks for Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer for giving us such a good story!_

 _Hidden reference inside, can anyone guess it?_

 _Next time: Horses on a Hellicarrier! Part 3: All good plans…_


	4. Horses on a Helicarrier - Part 3

_I own none of the characters or the plots, based on the popular story by Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer, who authorized me to publish these stories as separate, not-exactly-canon bonus chapters._

 _Also, this will be aiming for humour and comedy, I already write some adventurous/dark stories, this is just me going on the light side, okay?_

* * *

Chapter 4

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( _Based on Chapter 52 of "Smoke on the Water", as an explanation of the skittles reference, I thought, 'What the heck, there could be an entire story about it'!_ )

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Horses on a Helicarrier**

Part 3: All good plans…

"Ready?", asked Rose Tyler, putting batteries on her remote control.

"Set", replied her colleague, Clint Barton, in anticipation. "Together?"

"Together", and as they joined hands, they pressed the big red button.

They watched the screens on a surveillance room, as if waiting something to happen at Sector 24 of the Helicarrier, the Kitchen-Cafeteria section.

But nothing happened, and it did not seem to be going to happen any time soon.

Both Agents stared at each other, when the door opened up, revealing Agents Hill and Coulson, seemingly already expecting to find them there.

"The Director wants to have a word with you, Agent Barton, Agent Tyler", said Maria Hill. "Immediately."

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It could have been a perfect plan.

Perfect idea, perfect opportunity, perfect execution.

To bring a horse inside one of the most secure airborne facilities in the world, dress it up as an unicorn, and to play the biggest prank on the world's best spy organization ever… that was what motivated Rose Tyler and Clint Barton.

But, as Nicholas Fury would say, ' _no plan ever survived contact with the enemy, especially when the enemy was Nick Fury_ '.

Said Nick Fury, Director of SHIELD, was now staring at the two agents brought to his office, the British blonde and her supportive sidekick.

By Fury's side were Phil Coulson and Maria Hill, the agents who brought Tyler and Barton in, and they made no attempt to show any support to the agents Fury was about to reprimand.

Rose Tyler was the one taking the initiative. "How did you find out?"

Fury's arms rested on his table, his fingers crossing each other. " _ **How**_? Miss Tyler, I may be the one wearing an eyepatch, but you two clearly are the ones with sight-problems – because _you_ didn't see _me_ coming."

He pressed a spot on his translucid table, activating a series of holo-videos playing across the horizontal surface.

Rose Tyler, talking and planning with Clint Barton.

Clint carrying off a set of boxes full of candies.

Rose Tyler, zipping up her bag full of components to make glitter bomb.

A feminine hand, setting the charges on the cafeteria air-vents.

The partial face of Clint, as he set tubes of colored candies over the Kitchens' ovens.

And, as the 'Pièce de résistance', Rose Tyler's zoomed in face, saying " _Please, after we're done, nobody will ever know it was us!_ " in a supporting way to her partner in crime.

All recorded and presented to the world to see.

"April's Fool Day, Tyler", Fury said, with a smirk. "Now, I ain't no Sherlock Holmes, but it doesn't take a super-genius to see what was about to happen here. And that is, you can't make a fool out of a guy who has enough surveillance toys to make both CIA and SVR jealous."

"You were watching us?", Barton asked, a little offended.

"I **predicted** you were both about to do something to celebrate the occasion", Fury kept going, "so I had the best on your tails, watching you over every step of the way."

"The best?", asked Rose. "You don't mean…"

The door opened behind them, as the red-haired agent entered, as on cue.

Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, was carrying under her arm a box, clearly filled with dismantled bombs and broken release triggers.

" _Et tu_ , Nat?", Clint quoted.

"Nothing personal, Barton, Tyler", she spoke, and set her cargo on the table.

Fury smirked, as his eye surveyed the contents of the box, then returned to gaze the 'captured forces'. "I'll admit, it was a ballsy move, could've actually worked", he confessed. "But it's game over, for both of you."

A small red sign popped 'up', on Fury's table display.

"Actually, Director…", Clint Barton was smiling at his fellow agent.

"… it's show-time", Rose Tyler grinned back.

A sudden feeling of dread came over the Director, as he touched the warning.

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An automatic view-window opened up, showing what he deduced was a collection of live-transmissions from the Cafeteria, as all appeared normal, when suddenly…

The agents who were having lunch had no idea as what was going on, as several vending machines started to mal-function, cascades of Skittles were gushing out of them.

Other windows popped up, showing, in fact, that every vending machine inside the Helicarrier was now gushing out thousands and thousands of rainbow themed, fruit flavored treats.

Back on the Cafeteria cam-views, the doors to the Kitchens opened up and out of them came a white pony, dressed up as an unicorn, trotting across the lunch tables, as glitter started raining from the air vents.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fury's eye shot from the chaotic images and stared at the agents in front of him, almost (ALMOST) dumb-founded.

"… how?"

"Happy April's Fool, Director Fury", Barton and Tyler saluted together, sharing the same pose and silly grins.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

April First, 2011, would go on records as the day on which SHIELD instituted its 'no-Skittles' policy very seriously, and all the events were henceforth referred as the Barton-Tyler Incident, or, more casually, the "Unicorn in the Cafeteria" Incident.

* * *

 **To be concluded!**

* * *

 _Thanks for reading, and thanks for Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer for giving us such a good story!_

 _Next time: Horses on a Hellicarrier! Part 4: How?!_


	5. Horses on a Helicarrier - Part 4

_I own none of the characters or the plots, based on the popular story by Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer, who authorized me to publish these stories as separate, not-exactly-canon bonus chapters._

 _Also, this will be aiming for humour and comedy, I already write some adventurous/dark stories, this is just me going on the light side, okay?_

* * *

Chapter 5

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( _Based on Chapter 52 of "Smoke on the Water", as an explanation of the skittles reference, I thought, 'What the heck, there could be an entire story about it'!_ )

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 **Horses on a Helicarrier**

Part 4: How?!

"Seriously, though", asked Phil Coulson, as he shared a cup of tea with his fellow agents, Barton and Tyler, after watching over both of them being punished with the task of helping cleaning up the entirety of the Helicarrier, "How?"

Clint Barton's arms ached all over – after so much sweeping and moping and brushing tables. Rose felt almost the same, having to clean up the pony from all the glitter in its mane the worst part of her day.

' _Easy to wash-off glitter, my left shiny boot…_ '

"Elementary, my dear Coulson", replied Tyler, on a really good estuary accent impression. "We knew."

"You knew?"

"Nothing new", added Clint.

"We always knew he knew", Rose completed.

"Since when?"

"All along."

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Past.

Some days earlier.

"If we going to make this work, we have to do it right", Barton advised Rose, as they conversed inside one of Fury's personal anti-surveillance bunkers that he thought Clint had no knowledge of.

And apparently, Rose thought to herself, seeing some of the stuff they found on the shelves around the reinforced walls of the Secret Room (that most certainly was NOT located at a secret basement floor of the Manhattan Plaza in New York City), Nick Fury, SHIELD clearance level 10, master of international espionage and foreign affairs, was an adept of brass instruments (by the looks of the well-kept French horns and trumpets) and an appreciator of good old jazz.

Rose picked some random albums, with names like Gillespie, Davies and Armstrong popping up here and there. "You think he'll be onto us", she deduced.

"I think he's onto you, more likely, and me as an extension."

"I'm not that bad!", she said slighted.

Barton's right eyebrow rose. "Agent Mulcimer's chocolate?"

"Okay, maybe I'm _that_ bad. So, Nick will have us followed?"

"I'm thinking maybe SHIELD's complete ' _Eye-In-The-Sky_ ' package."

"You're joking, Nick would never go to such extreme…"

" _Agent Mulcim_ -"

" _Mulcimer's chocolate_ , fine, I get it. But this means we are not going to be enough."

"I know what you're thinking, and I know exactly _who_ to call."

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Present time.

Elsewhere.

*ping!*

 ** _TheHurtLockerFan wrote: '_** _hey! thx 4 da help, btw_ ** _'_**

 ** _алый is typing…_**

 ** _алый wrote: '_** _You're welcome. Please stop typing like that, it's embarrassing._ ** _'_**

 ** _алый wrote: '_** _Not even your kids would write like that._ ** _'_**

 ** _TheHurtLockerFan is typing…_**

 ** _TheHurtLockerFan wrote: '_** _Ouch, so cold! Seriously, though, you were amazing!_ ** _'_**

 ** _TheHurtLockerFan wrote: '_** _Just want to know'_

 ** _TheHurtLockerFan wrote:_** _'how DID you get the pony inside the Helicarrier?_ ** _'_**

 ** _алый is typing…_**

 ** _алый wrote: '_** _Trade secret. And what I want to know is how you two managed to convince me to get involved in all of that._ ** _'_**

 ** _MalaLupa is typing…_**

 ** _MalaLupa wrote: '_** _Th_ _at_ _? That was nothing!_ ** _'_**

 ** _MalaLupa wrote: '_** _Wait till you see what we have planned for next year's! Gonna be BIG!_ ** _'_**

 ** _алый is typing…_**

 ** _алый wrote: '_** _Don't want to know about it…_ ** _'_**

 ** _алый wrote: '_** _Just out of curiosity_ ** _'_**

 ** _алый wrote: '_** _How big?_ ** _'_**

 ** _MalaLupa is typing…_**

 ** _MalaLupa wrote: '_** _I'd reckon it would be wise to avoid the Southern Hemisphere next April first._ ** _'_**

 ** _алый is typing…_**

 ** _алый wrote: '_** _Okay, got me interested. Later. Coffee. You paying._ ** _'_**

 ** _TheHurtLockerFan is typing…_**

 ** _TheHurtLockerFan wrote: '_** _Deal_ _._ ** _'_**

 ** _MalaLupa is typing…_**

 ** _MalaLupa wrote: '_** _Deal!_ ** _'_**

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"… and I want to see new anti-intrusion and sabotage prevention plans revised before the end of this shift, am I clear?", the Director asked the crowd of agents around the meeting table in front of him. They all nodded. "Good, Tyler and Barton gave us a much needed lesson on how our defenses have been lacking. Let's take this opportunity in stride to better ourselves. I'll be also appointing one of you to deal with strategies against infiltrators. Agent Sitwell? Can you-"

"Agent Romanoff?", Maria Hill called her attention in a low voice, eyeing the StarkPhone on her companion's hand, cleverly hidden inside an open folder. "Anything important came up?"

"Just scheduling some future assignments, Hill", the red-haired agent replied, with the slightest smile.

* * *

 **THE END!**

* * *

 _And that's a wrap for this Arc!_

 _Thanks for reading, and thanks for Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer for giving us such a good story!_

 _Next time: May's Day!_


	6. May's Day

_I own none of the characters or the plots, based on the popular story by Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer, who authorized me to publish these stories as separate, not-exactly-canon bonus chapters._

 _Also, this will be aiming for humour and comedy, I already write some adventurous/dark stories, this is just me going on the light side, okay?_

* * *

Chapter 6

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( _Based on Chapters 53 & 54 of "Smoke on the Water" and the subsequent small talk I had with Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer __as what the meeting of Rose Tyler and Melinda May would have meant for their employers and friends..._ _!_ )

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

May's Day

For Melinda May, the day Rose Tyler graced her with lessons on fighting and workgroup-stress relief (aKa _'pranking all your colleagues until they can be diagnosed with mild-paranoia cases_ ') was one of the most important days of her life.

...

For Clint Barton, it was the day where a new-found rival had entered their non-official competition, to challenge his position as Rose's partner and equal at pranking.

...

For SHIELD, it was the day that many saw the undeniable Chaos brought by the mysterious blonde agent starting to spread, infecting more and more of its personnel.

...

For Phil Coulson, it was a Tuesday.

* * *

 _Can anyone spot the reference I made in this chapter and why it is kinda-sorta_ -( **not really** ) _clever?_

 _Thank you guys for still reading this, and thanks for Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer for giving us such a good story!_

 _Next time: '_ _Talk to the Fish! No, really!_ _'_


	7. Talk to the Fish - no, really!

_I own none of the characters or the plots, based on the popular story by Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer, who authorized me to publish these stories as separate, not-exactly-canon bonus chapters._

 _Also, this will be aiming for humour and comedy, I already write some adventurous/dark stories, this is just me going on the light side, okay?_

* * *

Chapter 7

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( _Based on Chapter 57 of "Smoke on the Water", where Agent Tyler was just shot… oh yeah, spoilers!_ )

…

( _Well, you should not be reading this in the first place if you're not up to date on the original fic, okay? Just saying._ )

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Talk to the Fish! No, really!

Rose was falling. Slowly, sure, but she was going down. Weightless fall, painful, burning and chilling fall.

A watery grave, kind of a poetic ending for one who lost herself so many times.

That is, until she felt herself being pulled up.

A part of her brain deduced some other agent that was giving her back up was helping drag her to the surface.

Problem is, when they broke surface, they just kept on going up. And up. And, for a brief moment, they stopped, in mid-air.

And that's when they came down. And down. And landed, with surprisingly smooth impact.

Almost tearing from the pain – but never actually being able to, not anymore – she opened her eyes.

"Well, this is a surprise", she quipped, seeing the tall and muscular man that held her in his arms, bridal carrying position - which wasn't doing any favors to her already wounded torso – tanned skin, unkept beard and moustache, black hair, and black eyes.

He was barechested, his upper torso covered in tattoos, many of them she could easily recognize as Polynesian, or maybe was it maori? Hawaiian? Surfer? Why was it so hard to concentrate…

Oh, losing blood, that's right.

"I…"

"Do not try to speak, you are weak", his grave voice was both smooth like water running down a rock and sharp like a knife.

"I..'ve heard… about you", she ignored him. Like a bullet wound would ever stop her.

Well…

"Knew… you were real", she added. She had to remember to get that bet money from Clint, some time later. Well, after the whole not dying, that is. "Say… I heard you talk…"

"If you so much ask me if I talk with fishes, land-dweller, I swear to Poseidon I'm dropping you back where I found you."

"... well..."

The tall man sighed, seeing how crestfallen the blonde became. "... yes, I do."

"That's so cool!", she perked up. "But can you only talk to fish… or can you talk to mollusks? And mammals, can you talk to whales… and dolphins as well? Is it psychic, do you need to be in contact with the water when you –"

* _ **splash** **!**_

"Every. Single. Time!"

* * *

 _HAPPY 2017, EVERYONE!_

 _As you can see, this chapter is incredibly out of canon, but I wrote the basis for it after reading Chapter 57 and watching the Justice League's trailer, so, blame my weirdly inspired brain on this one._

 _Thank you guys for still reading this, and thanks for Sir-Mercutio-McHuffer for giving us such a good story!_

 _Next time: 'J ust a rather very inteligent system_ _!_ _'_


End file.
